COPING WITH EPILEPSY: WHEN COUNSELING DIDN’T HELP – MOTHERS AND FATHERS
“In many cases fathers are more fortunate than the mothers who are at home because they don’t have to live with the problem twenty-four hours a day. They go to work and have other distractions and other responsibilities. Too frequently the burden (and it can be a burden) falls on the mother, and that’s not fair. One of my jobs is to try to make sure that the father stays involved, that he comes in for the counseling sessions, and that he shares some of the burden. I don’t mean just the physical care of the child. He must shoulder some of the emotional burden, as well. Men often handle grief in a different fashion from women. They can bury themselves in their work and avoid having to face their grief and their emotions. This is less common with women, who seem to take on the responsibility, even when it grinds them down. They have to face the problems hourly, without a refuge. Working women can have an even worse problem. Rather than using work as a refuge, work becomes an additional responsibility. They still have the child and the problem back home. We find that many parents don’t share these problems very well. They need help in communicating with each other, and in learning to share the burdens. It is important to try to keep the lines of communication open between the husband and wife. It is surprising how often they just don’t talk. It is essential that the wife get some relief from her role, even if it is just an hour or two to go out to the market without the child, to go shopping on a Saturday when the husband is off work, to go away for a weekend or to a movie and dinner. A brief respite can make things more tolerable.*233\208\8*
