MY PARENTHESIS HAD NEVER ENDED
Fortunately, when Larry left that second time, I was better prepared for my parenthesis—a time of trial and struggle that can be brief or seemingly endless. Actually, Larry’s bitter reaction to Where Does a Mother Go to Resign? wasn’t a new parenthesis at all. His angry exit from our lives only forced me to realize that the problem which began for me on that night at the flagpole on Disneyland’s Main Street had really never gone away. When Larry returned after his first absence of eleven months, I thought everything was “okay” and so did Bill. Larry’s “phase” was over, and we just didn’t talk about it. How wrong we were.But now here I was, locked in another measurement of time and, until God chose to remove the ends of the parenthesis, I would have to live in another vacuum. Some people might call it a pit or a cave, but whatever you choose to call it, it’s a contained situation. You can’t go back and wish it were only a day ago or even two years ago. And you can’t jump ahead—out of the pit into a happy, carefree time. Until God kicks the ends out of your parenthesis, you have to handle today, today.This doesn’t mean you ignore or negate God’s promises and instructions. But you may have to settle for not being sure you understand what’s going on—at least at the moment.I love the cartoon caption that says, “Mother said there’d be days like this . . . she failed to mention that they could go on for months at a time.”‘One thing that helps is not to deny you’re in the process. If you hurt, admit it. As one bumper snicker* advises:WHEN YOU’RE DOWN AND OUT LIFT UP YOUR HEAD AND SHOUT . . . “I’M DOWN AND OUT!”That’s the first step in handling your parenthesis. The next step is to realize that whatever the problem is, it won’t last forever. I was talking to a gal who has some real problems, and she told me her favorite Scripture verse is, “And it came to pass …” I looked at her rather quizzically and she laughed and added, “Just think, all this could have come to STAY!”
Pain Has a “Passing Through” StageSince every parenthesis has come to pass, you have to go through a “passing through” stage. It’s okay to admit you’re suffering and hurting, and you might even be angry with God. But then you go on to make the most of this particular time frame. As the passage from James reminds us, it’s a chance to grow. So give it all you’ve got, and see what you can learn from this pain.All the promises of God are there, and they’re real, and they’re true, but right now you’re bleeding, you’re raw and hurting, and you have to hang on to those promises even if they don’t seem to work for you at the moment. As you go through the pain, it will lessen. The pain will flatten out and dilute itself, and then you can look back and realize how far you’ve come. You can start living with the parenthesis behind you! There may be occasional dips back into the pits, but you know you are getting out of that parenthetical period.Every time you feel closed in, or like you are smothering in a tight little box with the lid nailed down, imagine you are stepping over that horrid little parenthesis. You are going to get over this, and when you do climb over it and then look back, you will realize you’ve reached new gains and new values. You have completed a segment of growth as a person.If any of God’s prophets knew what it was like to go through a parenthesis, it had to be Jeremiah. In fact, you could say his entire life was one parenthesis after the other. And yet God told him, “For I know the plans I have for you . . . they are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope” (Jer. 29:11, TLB).I have come to love that verse because hope makes all the difference. Learning to relinquish Larry completely to God enabled me to face another (actually the same) parenthesis and know I could get through. I had said “Whatever, Lord,” and I had meant it!After Larry left, the SPATULA ministry began to take off. I’d share on television and radio shows, or I would speak in churches and conferences and people would ask, “Well, how is your son now?” And I would have to say, “Well, he’s disowned us. He’s changed his name, and he says he never wants to see us again.”That wasn’t real hopeful news to share, but it was true at the time. All I had to hang on to was a love for God and a love for Larry and all those parents who had suffered the loss of a child or, worse, the pain of having a child reject their values and opt for a different lifestyle that leaves God out.*14\316\2*
